Crazy in Love

Love

Just this one word and many different images pop into our heads. I'm talking about romantic love.

Why is something so wonderful so complicated at the same time? When everything goes well, especially in the beginning it is the best thing ever but when there is no longer that love between the same two individuals it turns into a nightmare? Can we change this pattern?

I had the most wonderful relationship with my husband. We were best friends, although I never did think of him as my soulmate. We loved each other VERY much, and because we were best friends, we shared almost everything with each other and we did almost everything with each other. There was trust and honesty and we gave each other enough space to be ourselves. Seems perfect right? Nothing could possibly go wrong with our very much admired relationship. WRONG!

Something did still go wrong, and I guess for two people so close to break up, it had to happen for this reason alone. Instead of trying to make things better I fought with him a lot, instead of for him. This only made the crack between us a giant hole. We became enemies.

Then came someone else I lost my heart to. This one was no boyfriend, although he kind of filled that part where I had lost my best friend. A little similar to my previous relationship, I shared my life stories with him, we had our candle light dinners, dancing, hanging out with friends, short holidays. I did not need a man in my life as long as I just had this part fulfilled. We had our arguments and making up. He was my soulmate!

At the back of my mind, I knew the day would come when he had to leave since there was no obligation between us to stay. That day came when he told me he met someone. They were to be married. I felt so lost. I knew I had to let him go but I did not want to. I told myself not to fight and chase him away. I just made the best of the time I had with him. I did not want to end up as enemies.

This made me wonder if I had just been calmer and not fight with my husband, would our marriage have lasted? When we love, is it because he loves me back? Is it possible to love your partner even if his love for you has died? Love is after all an emotion, it may not be there today but by being patient and working on the little things that matter, working on ourselves by reflecting on whether we have changed and pushed that person away, will that love develop again? Instead of saying I want him to do this first then I will return the favour, would it help to put ego aside and take that first step? At least in the end, we know we have tried and it would be easier to let go if nothing works.

NOTE: I'm not suggesting anyone stays in an abusive relationship.